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What NOT to Buy Your Man for Father's Day!

Men are SO high maintenance. Seriously. Take Father's Day, for example when 75 million women worldwide wander aimlessly through their local shopping malls looking for a gift that is both thoughtful and meaningful. Several hours and numerous Chai Lattes later, they head home with a corny tie, mug saying "World's Greatest Dad" and a new set of pyjamas. 

It's too awful for words.

Now to be fair, I too have reached an all-time-low of buying Stephen pyjamas for Father's Day, but that was after a friend of mine dropped by unexpectedly and ended up seeing more of Stephen than she bargained for. Unbeknownst to me, Stephen's ancient pair of pyjamas had a gaping hole in the... erm, crotchal area - something she discovered firsthand when he crossed his legs. (To be fair, she handled the situation beautifully - only screaming "My eyes! My eyes!" twice before ransacking the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink for a bottle of bleach that she then tried to squirt into her eyes. I bought him new pyjamas the next day. There are some things that can never be unseen.)

The following year, I was determined to get him something special and arranged some one-on-one lessons with a Golf Pro (he went to one before deciding that golf wasn't really his THING), bought him a spa voucher for a back massage ("too gay"), had a photo of both him and Kayla framed ("sweet"), and purchased a gorgeous work shirt ("really nice but the neck is too tight"). Sigh.

Not one to give up, I really went BIG the year after that and bought him a bread-maker, something he had casually mentioned that he wanted. (To be fair, this might have something to do with the fact that his wife goes all silly and giggly every time Paul Hollywood kneads the dough on The Great British Bake Off. But I digress.) The bread-maker was indeed an enormous hit, both times he used it.

If you ask any MAN about what to buy them, they will all maintain that they don't want anything. So you don't get them anything, and they sulk like a child. Or they want something completely impractical, like a night of unbridled sex with you dressed up like a librarian who is VERY cross because they have been talking loudly in the Fiction section and need to be disciplined. And let's face it, THAT'S not going to happen any time soon. And anything they REALLY want, they tend to buy for themselves anyway. And if they can't afford it, well then neither can you!

So what's a girl to do? The only suggestion I can give you is to find something that is High Quality Yet Practical - or something useful that he can play with. This can be anything from a headlamp that he can velcro to his forehead and use to fix things in dark corners, peer into the depths of his car, or scare the living snot out of you when you walk into a dark room. Or something gadgety that he can use to "fix stuff" before the real handyman arrives to fix it properly the following day. Or a BIG hamper filled with local craft beer, biltong and nuts that he can enjoy while vegging out on the couch while watching men run around a field chasing a ball and giving each other cuddles (I think it's called "rugby").

Other than that, you might have to settle for socks and underwear. Trust me!

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