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The Doctor Nose Best

Hi, my name is Shelli, and I am addicted to nose spray...

... And the worst part is that there is absolutely no support group to get me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.

It all began innocently enough with what I thought was a common cold - sore head, stuffy nose, and a throat that felt as if I had swallowed the cheese grater - but after four days of no sleep, I realised that the Corenza C was not helping, and more drastic steps were needed. 

The problem wasn't the aching or the constant sneezing, the problem was my blocked nose! Every time I turned over, my one nostril would get blocked. If I lay on my back, both nostrils would get blocked. I just could not win! 

It was then that I discovered nose spray! And not one of those nancy ones that take an hour to work - this one gets sprayed up each nostril, and within seconds, you can breath again!

I was in heaven! I told everyone about this miracle drug that made having flu quite pleasant! I must have boosted their sales by at least 30%!

Everything as going SO well and I was feeling a million times better, until about three months later, when buying a nose spray refill at the pharmacy, that Stephen casually asked why I was still using this particular spray - long after I had gotten over my cold.

"Well," I informed him, "I still suffer from a blocked nose!"

"When?" he asked a little bemused, "you seem perfectly fine to me!"

"I don't know ..." I muttered while clutching my spray protectively to my chest, along with my vitamins and Anusol (haemorrhoid cream - excellent for removing bags from under your eyes). "It normally happens at night, before I go to bed ... "

"I don't know, Shell," he said while scanning the outside of the box. "It says here that you should not use it for longer than eight days without consulting your doctor. And you've been using it for three months!"

"Oh please!" I said dismissively while checking out the shampoo aisle, "What's the worst that can happen?"

Hmmm - ever notice how those little six words normally precede disaster?

On reaching the counter, the divine pharmacist began ringing up our purchases ... when he paused at the nose spray.

"How long have you been using this?" he queried in his gentle manner.

"Oh not long!" I trilled. 

"Just over three months," added my revoltingly idiotic husband.

The pharmacist was not happy. And that is putting it mildly. 

Turns out, not only was I a NSA (Nose Spray Addict), but I was also suffering from a condition called Rebound Sinusitis - caused by the stupid spray in the first place.

I had no choice, I had to go cold turkey!

What ensued was days and nights of sheer and utter torture as all I was allowed was a few puffs of a homeopathic nose spray - which is about as helpful as a disprin to a cocaine addict. Within days, I went from being the sane, calm and rational person I have always been, to a crazed wild-haired lunatic stalking the passage at night, frantically rummaging through the fridge, the flour tin, even the dustbin, looking for where Stephen had hidden my spray.

It was not a happy time. For either of us.

Anyway, I am happy to report that I am now completely cured of my addiction, and have been strongly advised not to use this particular spray in the future, as it might set off my cravings again.

(I also now have a secret stash in my handbag .. carefully decanted into the homeopathic nose spray bottle! You know, just in case ... sinusitis can strike at the most unlikely time!)

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