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Male Panel

The men in our life provide us with yet more pearls of wisdom.


Question 1:

What (in your not-so humble experience) do you think women find most attractive in a man? And yes, we’ll tell you if you are right or not....

Joe: Confidence. If the guy is not a bumbling idiot, can carry himself well and can maintain a steady yet not-too-creepy level of eye contact, he's got her right where he needs her. It doesn't matter if he looks like Steve Buscemi.

Carl: The two hundred and seventh bone in our bodies. Or perhaps our ability to lick our eyebrows (if you didn't know he could do that he's probably not that into you).

Peter: Well, it can't be looks, because otherwise I wouldn't have all these hot chicks tumbling over each other in a frantic rush to get to me. And it can't be money because ditto. By the way, can you lend me R5,000 till pay day? No, it’s all about the meeker and milder we are, the better. The meek shall inherit the earth. He’ll also inherit all the irritating crappy little jobs, and if only you bloody women would stop batting your eyelids and being cute whenever you want something we’d stand a chance in a fair fight. I once sat down to watch the cup final, only to see my wife on the front lawn struggling to use the lawnmower. Goodbye cup final… I’m straying off the subject, aren’t I?

Steve: I think women lie about this. A lot. We’re told that we need to be funny and smart, yet I’m willing to bet Einstein got laid a lot less than Brad Pitt. They tell us looks are not important and that a guy must be a well-balanced individual. Tom Cruise has had a slew of smokingly hot girlfriends and wives. It seems that looks trump mental stability by a long way.

Question 2:

What on earth do you guys TALK about when there are no women around? Because the feedback WE get is that you talk about “nothing”. Or cars. 

Joe: I'm afraid you're right. We talk about cars, what would be a good business to get into and other stuff that amounts to "nothing". We do NOT talk about sex, how much our ladies do for us, or anything to do with that. Frankly, I prefer conversations with women for precisely this reason. They don't compare my car's horsepower to some guy's cousin's hot hatch. But since we don't talk about sex, we would actually like it if you stopped talking to your girlfriends about it as well. Talk to us about it. In fact, tell us more about 50 Shades and what you want to introduce in our bedroom.

Carl: We get together with the boys to escape your constant yakking. Do you honestly think we would waste that quality time with trivial chatter? But yeah, cars are cool.

Peter: Post-existentialist philosophy. Flower-arranging. Who's REALLY a poof. Women. Sex. Rugby. Cricket. Why crossing the Niagara Falls on a tightrope is like getting a BJ from an 85 year old woman. The usual stuff.

Steve: Are you ready for an answer that borders on quantum theory? Nothing is anything. And anything is nothing. Sports. Hot co-workers. Who would win a fight between Chuck Norris and Jean Claude van Damme. What ever happened to Yuri Gellar? Was he booted out restaurants for damaging their crockery? If he had a car accident could he undo the dents? The girl at gym who wears shorts that leave little to the imagination, followed by hours of stories about, er, let’s call it dromedarian podiatry (once you get the left of centre reference you will be shocked).

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