Subscribe to Femail updates (It's like getting an email from your best friend!)
  .

Male Panel - The men give it to me straight

Once again I got the men to give it to me straight - and they really didn't hold back!

1. When it comes to sex, is there anything that is a real turn-off?

Carl: Plenty. Pubic hair. Conversation. Body odour. Misspelled tattoos. Low-battery warning beeps from her hearing aid. An aversion to doggy style. The list goes on… But probably the worst turn-off of all is mothers and daughters who aren’t comfortable being naked together.

Joe: Depends on the situation. If you have to be quiet so that you don't wake her husband, you won't enjoy it. On the other hand, even if you're alone in the jungle, and she is screaming like she's on fire, it's not good for the mood. Porn-style sounds are fake - I'm good, but not THAT good!

Peter: Well, lots of stuff, really. Apart from mere technicalities like hairy armpits, dodgy personal hygiene, and ugly feet, it’s things like yawning, and pillow talk like “Let me know when you’re finished” and when that rather encouraging sudden intake of breath is kind of undercut by “Damn, I forgot to buy oven cleaner.” But I’m one of the lucky ones. I haven’t had any turn-offs cause me in-bed detumescence for, oh, let me see now… years, really. And there’s a jolly good reason for that.

Steve: Photos of family members within view. It’s hard to get in the mood when granny, grandpa and great aunt Edna are close enough to provide commentary.

2. What’s the nicest thing a girl has ever said to you?

Carl: Probably a toss up between “OMG! You are much better at THAT than my husband” and “Would you like another bacon sandwich?”

Joe: Complimenting my smile is the best thing I've ever heard. It was an unexpected but genuinely sincere complement. Maybe the fact that I had a crush on her helped cement the memory. If only she wasn't my teacher and I was a few years older!! Try it ladies, SMS your man and tell him "Can't stop thinking about your smile!" and see what reaction you get tonight. You can thank me later.

Peter: “It’s fine, I’ve done my own foreplay.” Yes of course I’m kidding. You’re trying to trap me into showing my soft-as-marshmallow side, and I refuse to buckle!!! The other night, as we switched the light off and settled down for the night, my beautiful wife whispered to me in the dark, “I really really love you so much.” We’ve been together nearly thirty years. Sometimes all the little nameless unremembered acts of kindness and of love do add up to make the difference…

Steve: I once had a drunk girl in a dodgy pub use the phrase, “I’d f**k you”. Maybe not the classiest statement ever, but given that no one has ever said those words to me before it stands out a lot more than, “You have nice eyes”.

funny-women-kitchen-jokes.jpg

Share this article :

Go on, say something!